never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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