morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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