He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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