Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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