Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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