he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
