are you still at the devil's house?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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