i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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