they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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