she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
