I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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