You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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