What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
