if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
