I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
