he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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