I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
