So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
