just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
40s are totally the cure
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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