So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
