There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
