dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
