I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
