I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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