I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
