DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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