So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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