3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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