he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
