i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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