it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
