the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
