he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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