I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
