Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
