god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
