I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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