come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
