In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
