I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
