so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
