You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
