I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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