Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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