the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
