I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
