My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
