so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
