I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
