His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
