Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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